The Tales of Remus and Tonks
by Ocean Eyed Redhead
Summary: A series of one shots all about Tonks and Lupin. If you'd like to suggest a subject for a one shot just comment and I may just do it! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

REINTRODUCTION

When the new member of the Order walked in, Remus Lupin's first reaction was a gasp.

Why?

Because the second she walked in and hung up her coat, she knocked over the coat stand which hit a shelf which fell on the hall table and knocked over a vase of flowers spilling water everywhere and scattering loose petals. Sirius shook with laughter beside him.

"There's my cousin!" he said, jogging down the hall towards her.

Remus cringed slightly. That must have been reasonably humiliating.

"Scourgify," she muttered pointing her wand at the mess.

Sirius offered her his arm. She seemed hesitant in accepting his assistance. How could she not be? After all, it was only recently she had discovered that he wasn't guilty of the murder of over a dozen people. The water from the case dissolved and the shelf, petals and coat stand all returned to their original positions. Sirius linked his arm through hers and walked her towards Remus.

'My God, she's beautiful…" Remus thought.

"Remus, you may remember my younger cousin, Nymphadora."

The corner of Remus's lip quirked up in a smile. A fitting name. She was nymph-like. Petite, yet somehow tantalizing. Her hair was the color of the sun when it was setting. Not blonde or red. A sunset. That was the only way he could think to describe the short waves that went just below her earlobes.

"Don't call me that, Sirius," she hissed, vehemently.

"Sorry. This is Tonks. I think you may have met her when she was just a child. That year that we visited my aunt for the holidays?" tried Sirius.

Remus nodded once and extended his hand to her.

"Pleasure to meet you again, Tonks," he said with a warm smile.

Tonks shook his hand with energetic vigor while wearing a slightly embarrassed expression.

"I'm so sorry. I don't recall your name," she said with an apologetic smile.

Remus laughed softly as they broke their handshake and put his hands in the pockets of his slightly worn sweater.

"Remus Lupin. I wouldn't expect you to remember. I think you were only five when we met. That's perfec-"

"Oh, Remus! Yes! Sirius called you Moony," she recalled.

He raised his brows in surprise. She wore a wide grin. Remus couldn't help but smile back, laughing slightly.

"Yes, that's me."

"Question. Why did he call you Moony?"

Sirius glanced at Remus, an uncomfortable smile on his face. Remus smiled sheepishly, used to lying about his condition he came up with a quick and elusive response.

"You don't want to know. It's just an unfortunate nickname that has stuck."

She seemed to melt at the heartfelt, lopsided grin on his face Remus sent her way. Tonks nodded quickly, shaking her from herself from her trance. He was so much different than she remembered, yet in a way, the same. Not the school boy with the old soul who had helped her clean up a mess of spilt chocolate milk before her mother had the chance to observe the damage. However, his young face still obtained such wise and tired eyes.

The mysterious scars she recalled from her youth still littered his face, but the mop of sandy brown hair he had when they were young was now flecked with premature grey. Tonks had never learned the secret behind the boy with the old eyes and boyish grin. To see him again only made her once again eager to find out more about him, as she had that day at her mother's house where she probed him about his life at Hogwarts until Sirius, James and Peter collected him to go.

"Well, one day you'll have to tell me the story behind it, yeah?" Tonks smiled.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough," Remus sighed with a wry smile.

There was a small pause before Sirius cut in.

"Alright, so Molly has made dinner. Let's go have some!"

Remus gestured for Tonks to go ahead of him in a gentlemanly fashion. She accepted with a nod and continued forward.

Tonks took a seat towards the head of the table where Sirius sat, directly across from Kingsley. The chair beside her scooted out with a slight grunt and she jumped in surprise. Remus sat down wearing an amused expression. She flushed.

"Did the sound of my chair really just frighten you?" he asked holding off a laugh.

Sirius snickered softly, observing the two. He could tell something was going on. Tonks was absolutely enamored with Remus for some reason. It had only been five minutes and they'd barely spoken, but somehow she had become obviously fascinated with him.

"Just a bit. I'm fine though," she reassured.

"Here we are, everyone," Molly smiled bringing plates and bowls of food with Mr. Weasley.

After a few moments of everyone listening to Molly prattle on about how happy she was they were there and how she hoped they liked her meal, everyone delved into their own conversations.

Moody and Kingsley talked in hushed tones. Probably still on about Order business.

Molly and Arthur chatted in their usual fashion of her bitterly addressing various matters concerning her children, then concluding that she adored them while Arthur smiled, happily indulging her.

Two wizards whom Tonks had not met yet sat at the far end, laughing grandly.

Tonks sat awkwardly between Remus and Sirius. She searched her mind trying to come up with something to say as she pushed food around on her plate. For once she was at a loss for words. However, Remus decided it was up to him to remedy the situation.

"So, Tonks, why don't you tell Moony about your favorite subject at Hogwarts," Sirius pressed, sipping wine from his goblet.

Remus turned his attention to Tonks, brows raised as he awaited her answer. Her eyes flickered from an amused Sirius to Remus. She was shocked and elated to have his attention.

"Well, it was Flying for my first year, but that ended second year and I found that I particularly enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts. Third year, I really liked Care of Magical Creatures, but after that and until I graduated I found myself completely obsessed with Defense Against the Dark Arts again. Howev-"

"Moony, tell her what you taught a few years ago at Hogwarts," urged Sirius.

Remus smirked at Sirius's obvious attempt to get them to bond.

"Oh, I'll let her take a wild guess," replied Remus flatly.

Tonks sniggered and turned her eyes skyward with feigned contemplation. She released a loud, dramatic gasp.

"Not Defense Against the Dark Arts!" she exclaimed.

Remus nodded, smiling at her again.

"Why, yes, Tonks. That's correct," he said dryly.

They both looked at Sirius knowingly who beamed back. Finally tired of the staring contest, Tonks decided to have an actual conversation with Remus.

"How long did you teach at Hogwarts for? It couldn't have been long. I wasn't there but seven years ago."

"A year," he replied softly.

Sirius gazed at his friend with concern.

He remembered all too well what had happened and why Remus had been found out. He'd ran to the Shrieking Shack to defend Sirius and help prove him innocent. That noble act resulted in him forgetting to take his potion and transforming in front of Snape who doubt let slip what happened. A member of the Order or not, Sirius still considered him a foolish child with a grudge. A grudge he saw fit to take out on one of the people who had been least involved with his school boy troubles, even prevented them at times. Remus had loved teaching at Hogwarts and Severus had sullied the opportunity.

How Remus managed to civilly converse with him at the Order meetings, Sirius could not comprehend. He admired his last living friend for it though.

"Why so briefly? Oh…were you sacked?" asked Tonks, concernedly.

Remus shook his head taking a sip of wine. His eyes stayed glued to his plate of almost untouched food.

"I resigned actually."

Tonks cocked her head to the side, her brows furrowed in confusion. To her, he seemed brilliant and clever and kind.

Why would he resign?

"Any particular reason?"

Remus's eyes quickly snapped to Sirius then back to his plate. Sirius fought off a frown. He wanted to interject but something about the look he'd just received from Remus told him not.

"Well, to make a long story short, I found myself uncomfortable with living up to the standards they had set for me."

Tonks went back to eating and felt slightly angered. It was clear the staff had made him feel inadequate.

She hardly knew Remus, however she felt exceptionally protective of him. She shook herself from her reverie and managed a rational reaction before responding.

"Well, seem very smart to me, teacher or not. I can't see you not living up to their standards," she stated.

Remus looked at her, his face complacent but his eyes truly touched.

"Thank you," he said genuinely.

Tonks smiled at him with a shrug. Sirius finally felt like something good was happening for his friend. Remus however, was terrified and touched all at once.

*JUST A FEW ONE SHOTS. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW THEY'RE GONNA GO. I'M JUST GONNA KEEP WRITING THEM FOR FUN BUT HEY! IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO SEE, LET ME KNOW! I LOVE INSPIRATION FROM READERS!*

P.S.

I know that I am going nuts with Remus Lupin fanfiction!


	2. Chapter 2

_There's a possibility…_

_There's a possibility…_

_-Lykke Li_

SECRETS

"And that's pretty much all you need to know about what we do here, Tonks. You'll be teamed up with Remus since you two seemed to know each other and get along well."

"I wouldn't say all that. We've met twice in two decades," snorted Tonks.

Moody gave her a skeptical look from his armchair by the fire. Something in her froze as she watched her mentor's expression. He was onto her and how absolutely enamored she had become with Remus in the past six hours.

"Would you rather be teamed up with someone else? Because it's not just you two being slightly acquainted that I paired you up," he smirked.

Tonks tore her eyes from his and let her fingers trace the spines of the many books in the study. She sighed and shrugged, noncommittally.

"I'm not opposed to it. I'm honored," she muttered.

"Thought not."

Tonks's eyes snapped in his direction. Wide with embarrassment. A feeling she rarely felt. He snorted slightly, a small smile on his lips.

After a long pause he finally spoke up.

"Now, a few of these Order members have some secrets. I need you to know them so you can tread lightly on certain topics. You and I both know that you open that big fat mouth without thinking…a lot," he said with a dark smirk.

Tonks flushed. It wasn't a lie. She truly did have what the muggles called: foot in mouth disease.

"Severus Snape is a double agent, in case you weren't aware. Please do not say anything regarding it unless he does first. Yes?"

"Yeah," Tonks agreed.

"Good. One of the Order members has a relative who works in Knockturn Alley dealing weapon and hex infused jewelry. No talk about the bust you had there with the bewitched bracelet."

Tonks nodded in confirmation.

"Finally, there is an Order member who is a werewolf. No mention of any prejudices you may have against their kind."

"I don't have any though. I e-"

"Regardless, Tonks. Regardless. Don't mention it. This Order member is doing us a favor in infiltrating Voldermort's werewolf followers."

"Who is it?"

Moody sighed and gave Tonks a knowing look. She immediately surrendered. If he told her, then she would babble about it to them incessantly. Tonks wouldn't be rude about it, but she would most certainly get irritating…and nervous. An unfortunate characteristic of hers.

"Got it. So nothing about Snape being a double agent. Nothing about hexed jewelry busts. Nothing about werewolves. I got it," nodded Tonks, promptly.

Mood smiled slightly at his protégé. She always made him proud. If he ever had a daughter, he'd imagined she would be something like Tonks. He stood from the armchair, bracing himself on his staff with a loud grunt.

"G'night, Tonks," he grinned, exiting the study.

"Night, Alastor."

Moody chuckled. Tonks called him Alastor at least once a day. That was rare. He'd never tell her but he loved it.

For a few minutes, Tonks sat on the ground by the fire, hugging her knees with her chin resting on them. Her eyes stared into the fire. She felt her hair grow shoulder length and straight, fading to her naturally mousy brown. She was displeased with herself. She'd snogged many men, but she'd never been interested in them. Not in this way at least.

And now, after all these years, the first man she was romantically interested in she had only known a few hours.

Irrational. Impractical.

Tonks wasn't necessarily the poster child for each, but in this situation she felt guilty for not being more mature. She felt like a silly girl. Little did she know Remus Lupin currently felt the exact same.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Tonks jumped in surprise and turned to see Remus in the doorway. He laughed softly.

"That's twice in a row that my presence has made you jump. Is there something I can do to remedy this?"

Tonks smiled and shook her head, still sitting.

"No. I'm just uncoordinated. It definitely contributes to my reflexes."

Remus entered and began to scan the bookcases.

"Well, you DID say that you Stealth and Tracking were your worst during your Auror training," he remarked.

Tonks observed the way he carefully let his fingers trail the books. The way Remus narrowed his eyes as he studied each of the book titles. She noticed that he was still in his clothes, no pajamas. She immediately felt slightly self-conscious.

'Your hair! Your hair!' she thought, anxiously.

She quickly screwed up her face and changed her hair to a white and a stick straight style. She didn't notice Remus had been watching her.

"Was that your natural hair color?" he asked, plucking a book off the shelf and crossing to the chair Moody had been sitting in.

Tonks pursed her lips, instantly mortified. She had hated her natural hair color until she was fifteen when she had finally figured out that she could change it. Remus instantly sensed her embarrassment and decided to change the topic.

"So what did Alastor want?" he asked opening his book.

Tonks sighed and debated on whether or not to share with him their conversation. Remus seemed like a trustworthy enough guy. Maybe she could.

She studied him a moment longer. His face just didn't go with his hair. His features so mature and boyish. The greying hair just didn't seem to match. It wasn't even nearly thinning. It was very thick actually. Tonks quickly chalked it up to stress.

She finally responded.

"He just wanted to review some rubbish with me…Tell me what it's all about here and warn me not to open my mouth about some things.

'You idiot,' she thought.

Remus laughed and leaned back in the chair, shaking his head.

"Did Moody want you to open your mouth about your conversation with him? I think you may have already disappointed him," he grinned.

Tonks smiled and shrugged, unabashed.

"Oh well, then," she sighed.

"Well, what did he tell you not to talk about?"

She grimaced slightly at him, hesitant to reply. Remus smiled back and propped his elbows up on the arms of the chair, his fingers steepled beneath his chin.

"I'm very good at secret keeping, Tonks. You're obviously dying to talk about it. If you don't tell me then you're gonna tell someone else who will definitely tell everyone. Might as well tell me," he shrugged.

Though only knowing him a brief period of time she knew he was telling the truth.

"Okay, fine. For one, I can't bring up Severus's double agent status."

Remus cringed and shook his head, leaning forward suddenly.

"Don't do that ever."

"Does Severus not like that he's a double agent?"

"I couldn't care less about that, Tonks. I mean, just don't talk to Severus. He's astoundingly unpleasant and I don't know how I manage to speak with him. He's got his problems and that I can understand, but speaking with Severus is like trying to snuggle with a bat."

Tonks burst out laughing and nodded.

"I had him for Potions. I was a Hufflepuff! He despised me!"

Remus scoffed and waved at her dismissively.

"He despises infants too. I wouldn't take it personally."

Tonks laughed again and Remus found himself feeling happier than he had in a very long time. He had made someone laugh outside Sirius. He sighed lightly and shook his head.

"Severus isn't really a bad guy. Like I said, he's got problems. I try to cut him a break. Alright, next thing not to mention. Go," he prompted, still leaning forward.

"Okay, so a year ago I performed my first bust. It was Knockturn Alley and this guy was selling hexed jewelry."

"Brilliant!" Remus remarked.

"Well, apparently someone's relative here has that occupation or a history or something. I can't remember his exact specification," she murmured.

"Anything else?"

Tonks bit her lower lip, her brows furrowed. Unsure as to rather or not she should mention the werewolf bit. That was clearly a very private matter. One she probably shouldn't say.

"I trust you, Remus. I do. This one, however is probably a very private one. I dunno if anyone but Mad Eye knows this one…" murmured Tonks.

The serenely happy expression on his face faded. She watched as his jaw tightened slightly. Slowly he sat back up and nodded once.

"Is this one about…the werewolf?" he said softly.

She inclined her head in his direction.

"You know about it too?" she asked in a low voice.

His expression turned wary as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, yes. In fact, I suppose pretty much everyone here knows."

Tonks raised her brows and gave Remus a dubious look. His expression has shifted from exhausted to thoughtful. Methodical even.

"Who is it?"

Remus stroked his jaw for a moment before meeting her gaze.

"I'm sure you'll find out. I told you I'm very good at keeping secrets."

"Touché," she replied pointedly. "Just to be clear, pretty much every single person here knows who it is?"

Remus nodded again, a very small smile on his lips.

"Yes."

Tonks frowned and set her chin back on her knees. She pouted angrily, eyes staring into the fireplace.

Remus cocked his head to the side slightly, his smile fading for a look of concern. He leaned forward again, elbows on his knees as the witch before him, in her Weird Sisters shirt and overly sized, flannel pajama pants seemed to seethe.

"It…it angers you that they've allowed a werewolf into the Order," he remarked, hiding the sorrow in his voice.

If Lupin was being honest with himself, he hated the idea of Tonks despising what he was. Much like Tonks, Remus had grown fond of her over the past few hours. The way they talked at dinner with her actually interested in what he had to say. The way her eyes crinkled when she laughed. Her smile, so snarky but genuine.

Her gaze shot in his direction, a brow raised.

"What?"

"You look cross. I was confirming it was due to the presence of a werewolf in the Order," he repeated.

Tonks scoffed and shook her head.

"Hardly. I really couldn't care less."

'Impossible! Any sane person would be furious…or even terrified!' Remus thought.

Then again, not being sane was practically a requirement to be in the Order. She was being honest. He could tell by her eyes. They were so honest. So unyielding. Tonks honestly did not care.

"It's more because Alastor won't tell me who it is. Everyone knows but me and he won't tell me! Not because he's afraid I'll share the secret, but because he thinks I'll say something daft," she muttered.

A genuine smile played on his face. Half out of amusement at Tonks' stubbornness and half out of happiness that this brilliant young woman didn't give a flying shit about who he was.

"I don't think that's his reasoning, Tonks. I think it's more that he wants the werewolf to tell you himself. That's how everyone found out. During his introduction to the Order he said it."

Tonks' eyes brightened and she pointed to Remus. He swallowed, his heart falling to the pit of his stomach. She'd figured it out.

"You said 'he.' So it's a male!" she said excitedly.

Remus fought off a look of terror and replaced it with one of complacency.

"Maybe. Perhaps, I was just trying to throw you off," he tried.

She shook her head vigorously, the sleek white locks whipping around her face.

"What? Are you gonna launch an investigation now?" smirked Remus.

Tonks stood, shrugging.

"Maybe."

Remus swallowed, nodding to disguise his new anxiety.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed. G'night, Remus."

He regarded her with a small wave.

As Tonks exited the study, Remus found himself tossing the book aside. He massaged his temples, slowly exhaling and inhaling rhythmically. He followed this routine into the early hours of the morning, falling asleep in the chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

**It's Me**

_If I told you what I was…_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

_And if I seem dangerous…_

_Would you be scared?_

_-'Monster' Imagine Dragons_

"So, I'm getting closer," Tonks said as she and Remus sat on the roof of a home directly across from the Dursley's place.

Remus looked from the Dursleys to Tonks and raised his brows, elbows propped up on his knees.

"Closer to..." he prompted.

She rolled her eyes as though it was obvious and folded her legs Indian style.

"To figuring out who the werewolf is!"

Remus gave a slow nod, swallowing and turned his gaze back to the home where The Dursley's and Harry were currently sleeping. Remus had been hoping and praying that she would just give up. Give up and move on with her life. Why was she so inquisitive? He understood that she was only twenty three, thus very curious and eager to be on the same level as her much older peers, but why did she have to be so interested in this?

Remus would be lying if he said that he hadn't developed a certain interest in Tonks over the past month and a half. She had proved to be helpful, talented and very mature for the most part. Tonks had made him laugh constantly and never failed to keep his interest when she spoke. Even if she was babbling incessantly over the most insignificant things he found that her animated nature and the vigor in which she told her opinions and stories entertained him greatly.

"Well, go on then," Remus said with a tight smile.

Tonks sat up straighter preparing to launch into a story and her eyes widened in anticipation.

"So a week or so back when Kingsley, Alastor and I all went to Hog's Head I got in an argument with this witch. The bartender slid me a glass of Firewhiskey and I almost caught it but instead it slipped through my fingers and spilled-"

"Hold on, hold on, hold on," Remus said shaking his head. "You've already lost me."

Slowly he looked at Tonks with a serious expression. She cocked a brow, perplexed.

"You spilled something?" he asked incredulously.

Tonks' lips twitched up in a smile as she gave Remus a playful slap on the shoulder. He laughed quietly and looked away.

"Sorry, but that joke was just pleading to be made," grinned Remus.

"You're getting me off track!" she groaned, shutting her eyes tight then opening them. "Ugh, okay. So it spills on her and I instantly start apologizing, right? You know how good I am at apologizing!"

"One of your many talents," remarked Remus.

"Thank you. Anyway, I apologize and _scourgify_ her robes, they are clean once again but she is just fuming at me. She looks like a bloody Hippogriff that's been disrespected! I apologize again, Kingsley and Alastor are too busy talking to notice all of this. Then, out of the sodding blue, the woman leaps from her barstool and tackles me to the floor! She tries to punch me so I roll out of the way. Next thing I know, two of her mates are pulling her off of me and Kingsley is helping me up. Alastor is already pissed and is wearing that vicious scowl. You know the one."

Remus shook his head.

"I've only briefly seen it. Nobody really scowls at me," he replied methodically.

Tonks' lips pressed into a flat line.

"Yes. You're wonderful. Anyway, I'm angry now too. My hot temper has definitely emerged and I ask why the bloody hell she got so angry especially after I had cleaned her robes and it wasn't even HER Firewhiskey I had spilled! Then, they whisper to us that the full moon is coming up and it makes her awfully irritable. They make us promise not to tell anyone what she is so they don't kick her out so we say that we won't as long as they buy me a new glass of Firewhiskey and sit far away."

Remus awaited her to conclude the story but it seemed that she had already finished. He looked at her, smiling slightly.

"And the way that helped your investigation is..."

"Now I know that I just have to figure out who is the most irritable before a full moon!"

"Oh, Tonks, surely you already knew that. That's third year Defense Against the Dark Arts," he chuckled.

She pointed a nail bitten finger at him and gave him a serious but chiding look.

"Books can certainly teach you things but something's need to be personally verified before proven true."

Remus nodded in agreement with her statement then looked up to the stars.

He tried to recall if he'd lost his temper during the last week. It had only been two days since the last full moon and yet he couldn't quite recall his behavior prior to it. If he had exhibited such signs of lycanthropic irritability, Tonks would have noticed and surely would have said something.

"Well, congratulations on your progress."

"Thank you," she replied cordially.

Should he tell her? Just blurt it out kindly and get it over with? No. He should postpone this as long as possible.

_**One month later...**_

The full moon was approaching quickly and Remus could feel himself getting more and more irritable. He had definitely been making efforts to appear tranquil so as not to give Tonks a tip off. At their last stakeout she said that she had been observing the behavior of the Order members intently but had yet to make progress. This was a huge relief. However, anxiety stilled loomed over Remus as he fought off the instincts to snap at Sirius whenever he teased him or excuse himself from the table at dinner whenever his head began to throb and bones began to ache. After all, Tonks was clever and if she was even given the slightest hint she would probably figure it out instantly.

How would should treat him? Back away? Ignore him? Request to stakeout with someone else? Then the false hope also tempted him. Hope that she wouldn't care. If he was being completely honest he had to admit that his feelings for Tonks were now strong. In fact, Remus was very tempted to tell her this. Sirius had pointed out how obvious it was that Tonks liked him. Not in her presence of course.

_'How long will it be before you ask little Dora out?' Sirius had asked._

_Remus looked at Sirius knowingly._

_'Sirius, you and I both know I can't do that. She deserves better.'_

_'But you admit it! You like her!' Sirius whispered loudly._

_'Not necessarily. I'm simply attracted to her. She's beautiful, kind, witty, clever and interesting. How could I not be interested? How could anyone not be interested for that matter? On the contrary, it really means nothing. It's not like I'm in love with her. I just simply find her attractive.'_

_'You don't love her...yet...' Sirius snickered._

And that had been the end of that conversation.

He was sitting on his bed, taking brief sips of the potion Snape had dropped off earlier today letting it sink in and soothe his irritability and pain. The pain was only dully numbed but was more bearable.

Three knocks came from his door.

"Erm-yes. Come in," he said sitting up more erectly and hiding the goblet of Wolfsbane under his bed.

The door opened to reveal a very purple haired Tonks in rain boots, tight jeans and a black jumper. Her bright smile faded as she saw Remus. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and his normally clean shaven face was littered with stubble.

"Bloody hell... You look a bit peaky, don't you?" she said walking in and shutting the door.

He struggled for an excuse. It was rare that he had to come up with one these days but years of practice had made improvising a faux explanation come with ease.

"I think when we got soaked a few days ago in that rain I might have caught a cold."

"Oh, no. That's my fault. My shelter spell was shite and I knew it. I've never been g-"

"I'll be over it in a few days. Don't worry," he interjected with a warm smile.

She matched his smile and folded her arms, casually leaning back on the wall of his temporary bedroom.

"Shall I just find someone else to go on stakeout with? If you're sick you should stay. It's raining again and I obviously can't be counted on to protect us," she smiled wryly.

Remus tossed the idea around quickly. If he stayed then he wouldn't have to hide his anxiety and would run less of a risk of her discovering his secret. On the other hand, if he stayed then it may seem suspicious and whoever filled in for him may let it slip. Then again, being around Tonks was often the highlight of his day. Maybe being around her would even help him feel better. After all, laughter was supposedly the best medicine, and who could make him laugh better than Tonks?

Remus could feel himself being selfish again. Giving in as he always seemed to around Tonks. Stakeouts were ultimately the best parts of his time with her. Just him and Tonks together. Sitting privately with one another and trading stories and secrets. Well, some secrets.

Remus finally shook his head.

"No. I can still go, Tonks. Wouldn't miss a perfectly good stakeout with you for the world," he said with a small smile.

Tonks beamed inwardly, though on the outside she wore a nonchalant grin.

"Good. Meet me downstairs in ten minutes," she said pushing herself off the wall and turning on her heel towards the door.

As she put her heel down to stopped before the door she teetered a bit. Remus prepared himself to stand and prevent her fall but she managed to catch herself on the doorknob. Tonks cleared her throat awkwardly and slipped out quickly, obviously a bit embarrassed.

The door shut. Remus laughed to himself retrieving the goblet from under his bed and resuming the process of ingesting the putrid smelling concoction that kept him safe and sane on nights much like the one approaching in mere days.

However, drinking the positively disgusting potion seemed to have gotten easier.

It had been a bit chilly and drizzling when Remus and Tonks began their stakeout on the fire escape by Dolohov's flat. However, Tonks had obliged to letting Remus cast the shelter spell this time. Needless to say, they were much more dry and warm than last time.

Remus leaned on the railing before him with his elbows, staring at the dark windows of Dolohov's hideout. Tonks kept looking over at him then quickly averting her eyes whenever he noticed.

She was in love and she knew it. Tonks had known for two weeks ever since they had met up in the kitchen that night.

_Tonks jumped at the sound of the floorboards creaking behind her. She turned around, wand raised and pointed in the direction of the 'intruder.'_

_Remus._

_'I surrender?' he tried._

_Tonks sighed and lowered her wand limply._

_'Wotcher, Remus. Sorry.'_

_'Ah, no. I'm used to it by now. This seems to be the natural reaction I initiate every time I see you.'_

_Tonks flushed and turned to the kettle on the stove behind her. It was steaming but mute under the muffliato spell._

_'You're up late. Couldn't sleep either?' asked Tonks removing the kettle from the stovetop and placing it on the heat pad to her right._

_Remus shrugged and walked to the kitchen table, fluidly sitting down in a chair and drumming his fingers._

'_Essentially. I fell asleep in the library-as usual-and woke up not long after. I saw the kitchen light on. Thought it may be Molly or Mad Eye. I should've know it was you though.'_

_Tonks looked over her shoulder at Remus, brows raised._

'_Why is that?'_

_Had he figured it out? That Tonks stayed up late whenever she saw him go into the study in high hopes that he might find her also awake and want to speak with her for hours on end. She loved it when they sat there and talked. Just talked._

'_You're always up. You never ever sleep it seems,' he chuckled._

_She let out a quiet sigh of relief and shrugged turning back to the tea._

'_Would you-erm-like a cup? It's Peach with chamomile,' offered Tonks._

'_Love one. Thank you.'_

_Tonks poured them each a cup and with hands trembling from apprehension, took a seat opposite him. She gently slid it across the table to him. He accepted it with a kind nod. Tonks cupped the tea between her hands letting it warm her palms. She stared down into the golden liquid then slowly let her eyes go back up to Remus. He was studying her dipping the tea bag in and out repeatedly._

'_What?' she asked softly. 'Do I have something on my face?'_

'_Yes,' replied Remus. 'Insecurity.'_

_She once again forfended her eyes, and let her index finger trace the rim of her tea cup._

'_What's that s'posed to mean?' she asked timidly._

'_I think you know what it means.'_

'_Are you referring to…to earlier today when you were teaching us how to conjure a Patronus for Dumbledore's messages?'_

_Lupin nodded slowly and took a sip of his tea._

'_I was ridiculous. I looked like a bloody idiot. Couldn't even get it to take a decent form,' she grumbled._

'_Oh, Tonks, some wizards never master the Patronus. You at least formed the smoke. You'll get there soon enough.'_

'_Why can't I be as good as the rest of you?' murmured Tonks dejectedly._

_Tonks took a mouthful of her tea, ignoring the burning heat. She could feel Remus' eyes upon her. His expression was tender but confused._

'_Tonks, if I may, you are the youngest in the Order. However, that doesn't make you the weakest. Experience doesn't yield prodigious endowment, hard effort does.'_

'_Who said that?' asked Tonks curiously, her eyes still downcast._

'_Erm…me,' he chuckled._

_Tonks' lips formed a smile. He was so intelligent. So kind. So…handsome. Outside of Sirius, he seemed to be the only one who understood her. Alastor, though caring for Tonks like a daughter did not quite comprehend her personality. Whereas he believed hardiness and strength were the key to victory, she focused on instinct and wits. Perhaps that was why he cared so deeply for her. Opposites attracted. Much like a father having a teenage daughter. Something he had never experienced._

'_You're always so smart, Remus. I wish I was as smart as you. I'm often smart but have a tendency to seem like a daft child.'_

'_You are __**not**__ a daft child. Tonks, I barely know you but I am positive that you are one of the most talented witches I've ever met. To be so accomplished at your age is remarkable. I've been sincerely impressed with you since that night we spoke in the library,' he said in a serious tone._

_Her cheeks flushed. That was perhaps the most astoundingly meaningful compliment she had ever had the privilege of receiving. _

'_Don't you forget that, Tonks. Understand?' Remus added pointedly._

_She bit her lower lip, hiding the giant smile that threatened to break out on her face. She prayed it not to appear. Tonks already looked like a bloody school girl to him. If she was going to pursue her attraction to him then she needed to seem at least a little more mature._

'_I understand.'_

"So I knew you weren't feeling well and brought you a little gift," she said reaching into the button covered backpack she had set on the metal floor of the fire escape.

She removed a silver thermos and handed it over to Remus. He stared at it and raised his brows.

"What's this then?"

"It's mint tea. Good for your sinuses. Molly said it'll help with your cold," explained Tonks with a warm grin.

Remus smiled kindly and unscrewed the top. If only she knew that it wasn't a cold. Good, old Molly Weasley. Ever the perfect secret keeper. Sometimes a gossip, but when it really counted, astonishingly reliable and trustworthy. Remus took a sip and inhaled the deep, minty scent. He looked back to Tonks and gave her an appreciative nod.

"Thank you, Nymphadora."

"What'd you just call me?" she snapped.

He snorted back a laugh and looked at her guiltily. Tonks' eyes were narrowed and her chin jutted out. Her hair had changed to a neon orange. It was hard not to at least snicker at her.

"Pardon me, _Tonks_. It's my cold obscuring my common sense."

Tonks' hair slowly faded back to purple and her face relaxed. After a few moments of silence Remus inhaled deeply and cooled the raging fire within him. The fire that was causing him to worry about how Tonks was to figuring out his secret. He took another gulp of tea.

"This is really helping, Tonks. I really appreciate this."

Tonks' cheeks turned bright red and she had to focus hard to hide it. She made freckles pop up to camouflage the flush.

"So how's the investigation going?" he asked, clearing his throat.

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. It had become frustratingly difficult lately. She just couldn't focus on anything but Remus lately. Frankly, Tonks was close to giving up.

"I may actually give up. It's pointless. When they're ready they'll tell me. It was just a way to keep myself occupied. All I get to do are these bloody stakeouts, you see. Nobody trusts me to do the bigger stuff. Afraid I'll kill myself, I s'pose. However, Moody has said he's going to try to get me in on more raids. I'm good at those."

A wave of relief washed over Remus. She was done? She'd given up? Thank Merlin! Now she wouldn't find out what he was and they could live in blissful ignorance. Blissful ignorance.

Then something sunk into the pit of his stomach.

'_I think I may want her to know…'_ he thought.

But at the same time Lupin didn't. He didn't want her to know at all. He wanted her to remain in the dark and unaware. Treating him without pity. However, the idea of lying to her made his stomach turn. Something felt drastically wrong about lying to Tonks.

She mirrored him, leaning on the railing and staring at Dolohov's place. He was sitting in an armchair reading various issues of The Daily Prophet.

Remus' eyes slowly turned to her youthful face.

"What?" she said with a small laugh.

He didn't hear it though. He heard nothing. She raised her brows again and her smile spread wider.

"Remus, what is it?"

"Hm?" he asked, shaken from his trance.

"You were staring at me."

"I'm sorry. I was in a trance," he replied with an apologetic smile.

'_I was trying to picture your reaction if I were to tell you that I'm the werewolf in the Order,' _he said inwardly.

They both looked back to Dolohov's, both of them thinking almost completely opposite things. Tonks was reflecting on why she loved Remus so much and savoring their time together. Remus was imagining the horror of her discovering his secret and trying to fathom why he wanted to tell her so badly.

Small talk had ensued but nothing significant. Just neutral conversations concerning different members of the Order and when it would stop pouring down rain. Dolohov's lights went out eventually and Remus and Tonks waited a good hour and a half to make sure that he wasn't up to anything peculiar. The rain lightened prompting them to leave the scene and be debriefed by Mad Eye. They gathered their bags and left the perimeter of Remus' shelter spell as it dissolved into the night air.

"So let's walk a block to the regular alley and disapparate, yeah?" Tonks clarified.

"Yes, that sounds about right," approved Remus.

The walked to the alley was long and Remus felt his stomach being eaten away by unease. He had an animal instinct to blurt it out. The impatience of the wolf within driving him to tell her.

"So, you're done with the werewolf investigation then?" he elucidated as they turned into the alley.

Tonks laughed and leaned against the brick wall beside a poster for some sort of concert. She folded her arms.

"It's curtains for Operation Lunar Patrol," she nodded.

Tonks expected Remus to laugh but instead he just stood there, hands in the pockets of his slightly damp pea coat that hung too loosely on his slim frame.

Remus swallowed a lump of tension in his throat and opened his mouth to speak. Then closed it. Then he opened it. Then he closed it. Then…he opened it…

"Erm, Tonks…" he began rubbing the back of his neck.

Her brows furrowed at the troubled expression on his face.

"It's me," he said with a sheepish smile.

Tonks cocked her head to the side and shook it, trying to understand what he meant.

"What's you?" asked Tonks.

Remus sighed and returned his hands to the pockets of his coat.

"_It's_ me. I'm the werewolf in the Order."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Distance**

_And the treasure in your eyes…_

_You were never meant to give…_

_And you were made…_

_To turn your back…_

_What am I to say to that?_

_-'How'm I Supposed to Die' Civil Twilight_

Slowly, her posture straightened and her jaw opened ever so slightly. Her eyes narrowed in confusion small sort of smile played on her lips.

"No-no-no you're not."

Remus nodded and exhaled loudly.

"I am."

Tonks blinked a few times, brows furrowed again. She attempted to speak then quickly shut her mouth and released a bitter sharp breath.

"That-that doesn't make any sense though."

He kicked at a loose piece of gravel and stared at his shoes.

"It doesn't?"

"No, it doesn't. You-you're not the werewolf."

Remus looked up at her, a combination of knowing and an embarrassed smile on his face.

"Are you quite sure about that?"

"I mean, yeah. Yeah, you would have told me!" she laughed, gesturing to him.

Remus chuckled ironically, gazing at his feet again.

"Why would I have told you, Tonks? Why would I want to tell this bright and beautiful young witch that I'm a werewolf?"

"Well-well, because we tell each other everything. Like how-how you stole all of Sirius' chocolate when you were at Hogwarts or how you are still afraid to watch horror films at night! How I don't like to show my feet and am terrified of garden gnomes!"

"My being a werewolf is nothing in comparison to frivolous fears and childish stories. This is of…of an entirely different caliber, Tonks."

Remus had to wonder why she wasn't running in fear. Why was she simply offended that he hadn't told her and not terrified that he was a monster? Then he remembered that night. The night where Tonks had clearly stated that she didn't care about the person being a werewolf, but about not being trusted with the information. He should have told her all along. Hiding it was what was making the situation so incredibly uncomfortable. Nothing else.

She buried her hands in her hair that had now went from purple to crimson red to bright blue then back to red.

"I-I-I…I don't understand. I told you that I…and you! Remus, what in the bloody hell? Why wouldn't you tell me? Do you not trust me?" she cried.

He looked up at her, hands raised in surrender and reassurance.

"No, Tonks. That's not it at all."

"You think I'm like the other Blacks? The prejudiced ones?"

"It's act-"

"You git! I've trusted you!"

"Tonks, if you'd j-"

"No!"

His inner wolf was growling. Remus was struggling to maintain the calm façade he had constantly been faking for the past week. She shouldn't yell at him. How could she not understand why he wouldn't tell her? Why was she screaming? She just didn't understand.

"If you knew-"

"Oh, sod off! You just think that I'm another bloody child!"

"I d-"

"Don't say that you don't! I know you-"

"Tonks, just shut it! Shut that mouth of yours for just sixty seconds!" he hissed pointing at her.

She stared at him, eyes wide. Tonks had never heard him raise his voice. This was the irritability of the wolf she had been warned about.

'_He's right, Tonks. Just shut your mouth and listen for once.'_

Though she seemed mentally reasonable, she did not look it. Her hair switched rapidly between yellow, red and orange.

"Tonks, imagine that you are not only a poor man but a poor man who is part monster. Imagine that you have hardly anything to your name outside what your father donates to you and a squalid apartment in which you only leave to go to your pathetic job in the muggle world because the wizarding world spits on you after they see your brand and your name scrawled on a registry with hundreds of other monsters that, unlike you, are uncivilized and making no effort to be someone respectable! Imagine that though you worked your entire life to do something even minimally beneficial you'll probably never amount to anything higher than a muggle substitute teacher and…a monster…"

She felt her eyes tear up. This wonderfully kind man before her filled with so much inner turmoil and sadness. An extraordinary individual who had no chance at a better life simply for something that wasn't his fault.

"Now, why, Tonks? Why on earth would I ever tell you all of that?" he asked, panting.

Tonks swallowed and shook her head.

"Why?" laughed Remus breathlessly.

He placed his hands on his hips and looked up at the dark sky where the city lights were concealing the stars, still wearing a small but caustic smile.

"I wouldn't, Tonks. I wouldn't. Not unless I was having a moment of weakness. Which you're very talented at initiating, may I add. You make me so selfish. I put you at risk by being near you. I'm a constant hazard to all those around me. If someone were to see you out and about in my company, knowing that I was a werewolf you would be shunned and no doubt treated as an outcast just as I."

Tonks took a step towards Remus, a hand outstretched reaching for his shoulder. She wanted desperately to comfort him. To make him smile that lopsided grin.

Remus shrunk away, folding his arms and shaking his head. She balled her hands up in fists at her sides, not out of anger but in anxiety. For once in Tonks' life, she had nothing to say. Not a single word that she could see being fitting for the conversation. This was not a familiar state of affairs. This was probably the most dramatically intense situation that Tonks had ever been in.

"Let's get going then," he exhaled straightening his jacket.

Then there was a loud 'crack' and they were both back at Grimmauld Place.

_Two in the morning that same night:_

Remus and Tonks had arrived back just two hours ago. Everyone who wasn't residing there had left and those who did were now fast asleep. Everyone except Sirius who had greeted them at the door, pissed drunk. He stumbled out in front of them and said:

"You both look exceptionally uncomfortable… Did you guys shag? I'm s-sorry. That fwas' inappropriate. G'night, Moony and Nymphadorash'."

Then he staggered up the stairs humming a song by The Weird Sisters.

Tonks followed Sirius quickly, shoving past him to escape to her own room, and tripping over the top step on her way. That sent Sirius into a fit of giggles. Remus had sighed and stood frozen in the foyer for probably five minutes, hands in his pockets and a blank stare on his face. What had he done? Why?

Finally, he resolved to visit the kitchen for a calming cup of tea. All the motions of preparing it were robotic. Fill the kettle. Put the kettle on the stove. Light the stove. Perform the muffliato charm to keep it quiet. Get a cup. Get a tea bag. Wait for the kettle to scream.

Scream.

Like Tonks should have. But she didn't. She'd just stood there, looking hurt and confused. It reminded him of the look you would see a child get when they'd been separated from their mother in a crowded setting. Unyieldingly sad and flushed with panic. Even pain. Both mental and physical. He had very strong urge to grab the tea cup and throw it across the room so it shattered into pieces.

Remus picked it up gently, and inhaled deeply.

_'You don't want to go all mental and throw it. Stay calm. It's the wolf in you that wants to throw it. Not you,'_ he thought, closing his eyes.

"Hey."

Remus jumped, dropping the tea cup on the counter. It wobbled around for a few seconds before settling back down. He whirled around to see Tonks before him. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, still in the same clothes as earlier. Her brows were furrowed but there was a small smile on her lips. Remus blinked and put his hands in his pockets.

"Hello, Tonks. May I...may I help you?" he asked, attempting to appear casual.

Tonks swallowed and shook her head, eyes looking at her tattered boots. Remus realized that she too, had come here to be alone and he was interrupting. Well, rather she was. Still, Remus felt that he owed it to Tonks to excuse himself and leave her to her thoughts.

"I'm just waiting for the water to boil, then I'll be out of your way," he said kindly, turning his back to her and staring at the stove.

Remus wanted her to leave the room and come back later. He could feel Tonks' eyes on him. They were filled with pity, sadness and regret. He experienced this feeling more times than he could count but somehow he could never quite get used to it. He felt normal. Aside from the scars and premature grey hair he looked normal. Then he remember what he was, and that he was not normal. Nowhere close. Normal for a werewolf that was.

"Can I have some too? If it's no trouble..." asked Tonks meekly.

Remus still didn't face her.

"Of course. No trouble at all."

The next few moments were silent. Remus pleaded to any higher power that Tonks would not speak to him. That she would forget the whole ordeal and him. The whole relationship would crumble and he wouldn't have to deal with this uncomfortable feeling every time they were together. Remus would rather lose their friendship and have good memories than have it continue into a bleak and stale relationship filled with pity and misdeeds.

He removed another cup from the cabinet to his right along with the box of peach chamomile tea. Remus could still feel Tonks' lingering gaze burning into the back of his neck.

He placed the tea bags into each cup and focused on not shaking with anxiety while pouring in the boiling water.

Turning around he kept his eyes on the cups of tea before setting one down before Tonks.

"Remus," she said quietly, as he started to exit the kitchen.

Remus halted just before the doorway and inhaled deeply through his nose. Slowly, he turned around. Tonks' hair faded to a mousy brown, her back to him.

"Yes," replied Remus as nonchalantly as possible.

"Will you please...will you please sit down and talk to me?"

Remus stood frozen, unsure of what to do. He swallowed and gnawed on his lower lip. Remus did NOT want to discuss this right now. He was tired and sore and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Then again, closure would be good. Once more he found himself torn but deep down knowing his true desire. He wanted to divulge all his secrets to Tonks. Get them out there and move on. That was probably a bad idea though. The last thing she wanted was more information about how her friend was a monster.

"Please, Remus," implored Tonks.

She'd done it again. Made him weak and selfish.

Remus approached the table with subtle conviction and purpose. He slowly sat at the head of the table, beside Tonks. She traced the lines of the wood with her delicate, black fingernails.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Tonks mumbled.

Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't make me say it all again..." he groaned quietly.

"I just don't understand. I tell you everything. Don't you trust me?"

"It's not a matter of trust."

"Well, it can't all be because you...because you are attracted to me," said Tonks timidly.

Remus lowered his head and gave Tonks a grim smile.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I'm really not that special," replied Tonks with a small laugh.

She looked away. Her comment made Remus raise his brows and blink, bewildered.

_'Not that special?'_ thought Remus. _'What does that mean?'_

How could she think that? Tonks had to be one of the most special people he knew.

"And being a metamorphamagi doesn't make me the kind of 'special' I'm talking about. I'm talking about a different kind of special," she murmured with a small smile.

Remus drank some of his tea, waiting for her to clarify what she meant. Certainly she knew that there were other reasons behind why she was so special. Surely her self-esteem was not that low.

"I'm talking about the kind of special you are. Special isn't the right word I s'pose,' she mused. "Rare. A rare sort of special."

Remus snorted back laughter, shaking his head.

"Outside of my...well, my condition, I assure you I'm not so rare."

"You most certainly are," Tonks replied indignantly.

Remus smiled wryly, looking at her with kind eyes.

"You're so smart and nice and...and that's so rare for someone who...well, someone who..."

"Is a werewolf," finished Remus with a soft laugh.

Tonks shook her head and let her finger trace the rim of the tea cup, eyes downward. Remus raised his brows, prompting her to correct him. She finally met his eyes, her own glistening with understanding and kindness.

"Someone who has experienced so much tragedy. Face it, Remus. You've had more than a fair amount of bad experiences in your life and somehow you aren't bitter. It's just unfathomable."

Remus scoffed, taking a slow gulp of his own tea. He set down the cup and ran a hand through his hair.

"You make me sound like some sort of hero. I assure you, I'm nowhere close."

"We'll see about that."

His eyes widened for just a fraction of a second. Never had he shared a conversation like this with anyone. Not even James or Sirius. Not even his parents. Countless times they had reaffirmed his belief that he was far from being a monster but this time it was different. Somehow he was inching closer and closer towards believing fully that he was something greater than his curse. Somehow, this meant more. Maybe because she had known him less than his friends and therefore was unbiased. Maybe it was the fact that whenever Tonks spoke he would cling to every syllable that came out of her mouth. Maybe it was that whenever Remus saw her and even heard her speak, he felt like a better person. Like she made him complete.

"Why do you care so much? Why do you care that I see myself in a better light?" inquired Remus.

Tonks' cheeks flushed then quickly faded, yet a small smile remained on her lips.

"I care about you, Remus."

Something inside him crumbled. In a good way. Tears threatened to flood his eyes but he fought them off. Tonks tucked a lock of now bubblegum pink hair behind her ear and took a slow sip of her tea. Though starting to cool, it somehow warmed her.

"I don't know why you see yourself so poorly in the first place," she murmured.

Remus shook his head, smiling just barely.

"I'm a werewolf, Tonks. Hardly anyone sees me as anything other than walking plague. I don't know how anyone in this Order manages to value my opinion."

"Because you're smart!" protested Tonks.

Remus ran his fingers through his coarse hair and sighed.

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Tonks. However, that's not how the world sees me."

A pitying look came into to Tonks' eyes. Remus laughed softly and gave her a dismissive wave.

"I got over that ages ago, Tonks. Don't feel bad for me."

But she did feel bad for him.

"Are we…are we still friends, Remus?" asked Tonks after a long pause.

Remus laughed softly, taking a slow sip of his own tea. His eyes looked at Tonks with a secret longing masked with an amused sort of sparkle.

"Tonks, I should be asking you that, don't you think? That's pretty evident," he grinned.

Tonks' lips quirked up in a smile, she drew her knees back up to her chest resting her chin on her knees. Slowly her arms hugged her legs and she nodded.

"I still want to be friends."

Remus shrugged, setting his tea cup back down on the table. He extended a hand to her.

"Very well."

"Very well," Tonks repeated shaking his hand.

Remus stood quickly and placed his dirtied tea cup in the sink. He faced Tonks and sighed before yawning.

"I'm heading off to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow morning…about five hours from now to be precise."

Tonks smiled as she drank a gulp of her tea. As Remus started off to exit the kitchen his hand gently patted her shoulder. A warm shiver went down her spine at his touch. In that moment, all thoughts of Remus being a werewolf were banished from her mind. Not that those thoughts mattered in the first place.


End file.
